The type that kills the cat.

Curious. That somehow always enters my mind when someone asks me what kind of person I am.

I've always been the type of girl who needed an explanation. I needed to know why it happened. Why did it turn out that way? Why wasn't it possible? Why not? Why now? Why not now?

Every time something happens, a billion and one questions always enter my mind and my brain goes on overdrive! I can't seem to put a halt to my thoughts and more often than not, it gets me more confused than I already was. And of course that didn't help me out one bit.

One time a friend of mine back in the day had a solution to my problem. He told me that I shouldn't think too much. He said, and I know I remember this correctly..."Thinking kills."

And of course that got my brain working overtime again. Does it really?

Does thinking too much actually kill somebody figuratively?

I guess in some cases thinking does make you go a little crazy, especially if you're in a situation where answers don't come as much as you'd like them too. I guess what my friend was trying to say was that over thinking kills. That part I do believe completely. You think too much about something that it leads you to a whole bunch of new questions which then leads to another series of questions! It's amazing and also a little bit annoying how fast our brain can work.

I admit that along with my curiosity comes my stubbornness. Sometimes I don't know when to stop asking, or when to stop thinking of things to the point that it gets me into a whole crap load of trouble. And then I think afterwards that I should've just stopped thinking in the beginning and just let things be.

I know this entry is a little bit confusing (just like my thoughts), but I also wanted to say that despite how much of a curious person I am, I've learned a lot of lessons via my billion and one questions.

I learned that being curious can be a good thing, because it tests your limits. You never really know how far you can go until you try.

I've learned that my friend was semi right. Over thinking does kill. Sometimes it's better to not think too much about something because it'll just screw up with your brain and get you into an even messier tangle of thoughts.

But the last 2 lessons I'm going to share with you which I learned because of my thinking are the 2 lessons that helped me become who I am today.

First, was that I'd rather think too much and feel too much than not think nor feel at all. At least I know the extent of who I am and what I'm capable of (or not capable of) and that makes me feel more human and alive.

Second and lastly would be that even if you're itching to know something so badly, sometimes there are certain situations where no explanations are needed. You don't need to know the reason behind everything, because sometimes things aren't meant to be understood. Sometimes, despite how difficult it would be to do so... some things are just better off accepted.

-Trina Lorenzana

Post Script: Speaking of questions! We know it's been awhile, but our Formspring is up and running again :) You can ask us anything and everything and we'll try to answer as much as we can. You can reach us through the little box on the left column of this page or via:

Been up all night staring at you
wondering what's on your mind.
I've been this way with so many before
but it feels like the first time.

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I once read that attitude’s that small thing that makes a big difference. Your approach, how you carry yourself, the way you tackle challenges, how you treat people; they all come down to attitude. With that in mind, I started thinking about what my mindset is like.

I live everyday thinking that there must be better ways in how we do things. I believe it’s that constant search for improvement that evolution takes place. I think about how I can deliver a better radio show, how I can perform a technique in jiu-jitsu more efficiently, how to create music that can move people, how I can develop my teaching abilities, etc. But not only do I think about what I can improve in myself, I feel it’s important to develop better ways on how we can be of service to others. It’s not the idea that the more you give, the more you receive that motivates me. It’s the fact that we’re all connected and with this mindset, it’s always a win-win situation. When you help people, they then can be of service to others as well. Pay it forward. It all comes in full circle and everybody ends up uplifting one another. Wouldn’t it be cool if everybody could win?

So never be stagnant. There’s nothing worse than knowing you could have left a bigger impact in this world but felt comfort in life’s routines and chose to be content with that. Your mindset shapes the way you view the world and the choices you make. Know the source of your actions. When you understand that, then you’ll realize that attitude IS that small thing that makes a big difference.

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You ever wonder what you were in your past life? They say that what you’re passionate about in this lifetime can give you clues. Playing off of that idea, I think I was a teacher at one point. I’ve always had this drive to share and feed people’s hunger for knowledge. I’m intrigued by how people think and learn and how the mind works. The ideas of what triggers people’s excitement to want to take in new information and how they make choices fascinate me. The way you can capture someone’s attention, pass on knowledge and see them utilize it in their own way is rewarding to me. So why did I become a radio jock and not a teacher instead? Can’t I be both?

I believe that you should not limit yourself to your chosen profession. I see it all the time. You shouldn’t create limits to yourself, period. The thought of it holds you back already. And why do we do this? Because that’s what we see around us and we choose to accept it and make it a part of our reality. You are how you think and the choices you make. Why not create your own reality? Is it crazy to think that way? Will people look at you differently? Does it matter? I say, life is a journey and you’re the driver. What do you want to do? Where do you want to go? Explore and take it all in. The world has so much to offer and you’ll only experience it with an open mind.

So yes, I am a radio jock but my passion for teaching has not taken a back seat. I train junior jocks, teach concepts and techniques to my teammates in jiu-jitsu, pass on life lessons to my friends and family, and I often share words of wisdom on my show. If you love doing something, opportunities will always present itself for you to nurture it alongside many other endeavors you choose to involve yourself in. Don’t FIND time, MAKE time. Eliminate all time consuming activities that will get you nowhere. Remember, your limits are only what you set them to be. So what are your limits?

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The Good Fight

"We must never stop dreaming. Dreams provide nourishment for the soul, just as a meal does for the body. Many times in our lives we see our dreams shattered and our desires frustrated, but we have to continue dreaming. If we don’t, our soul dies

‘The Good Fight is the one we Fight because our heart asks it of us. The Good Fight is the one that’s fought in the name of our dreams. When we are young our dreams first explode inside us with all of their force, we are very courageous, but we haven’t yet learned how to Fight. With great effort, we learn how to Fight, but by then we no longer have the courage to go into combat. So we turn against ourselves and do battle within. We become our own worst enemy. We say that our dreams were childish, or too difficult to realize, or the result or our not having known enough about life. We kill our dreams because we are afraid to Fight the Good Fight."

- Paulo Coelho, The Pilgrimage (1987)

i am always held at awe with whatever Paulo Coelho says. his choice of words, the profoundness of his ideas which he magnificently conveys and the limitless positive energy which seeps out of every word that comes from his pen.

i got to read this passage about The Good Fight on Coelho's blog, and i read it back in December of last year, when i was finding myself drowning in medical school. by that time i had already found myself in deep water; i wasn't performing to the high standards i have set upon myself, i disappointed not only myself but my parents as well, and the person i love was having difficulty in coping with the demanding schedule the school has given me.

being a doctor was my absolute childhood dream. when i was a child i wanted to be whatever my mom was because i thought her job was cool. she was a nurse, so i brought it upon myself to become a doctor, because in my little mind that was male equivalent of whatever my mom was doing (which was being a nurse).

that idea stuck, and it hasn't left my mind ever since.

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I Am...

People know me as a radio jock, jiu-jitsu addict, and a music artist. But I feel limited when I’m labeled, so I’m beyond those three. I am where curiosity and passion take me. Life is a journey of self-discovery, purpose, and creation. We are what we believe, and I believe in love. Its essence is my foundation. Let love in and the rest will follow.

I believe that uncertainty is wonder. You’ll love and hate it at the same time but it’s what keeps you on the edge of your seat. It lets your imagination run wild and explore. It’s what keeps things fresh and opens you up to the world of endless possibilities.

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On Childhood Dreams and Grown Up Dreams

When I was a young boy, I wanted to be a doctor. 

Not that I wanted to help people, it's just something that parents precondition you to want. Be a doctor, be a lawyer, be some wanker in a dark grey suit with a prefix attached to your name. 

When I was 6 years old, I wanted to guest on a cartoon show.

I was very fond of cartoons as a little boy, and I wanted to be a guest star on the Transformers. When you're 6 years old, large robots are the counterparts of real action heroes.  

Fast forward to when I was 11-13 years old. I wanted to be a basketball star. 

Believe it or not, I played 1 year of varsity basketball for my grade school.During the summer, I played basketball from 7 am until late at night when I couldn't see the hoop anymore. I was pretty good. Until I stopped growing and other kids outgrew me.

I was 18 years old, and I wanted to be a writer.

I found that I was pretty good with words. Ironic cos I have HORRIBLE handwriting. I'd write poems, essays, even short stories.  I wanted to write about how I saw the world, how beautiful and how bizaare it is. I've always wanted to write a book.

Forward to my 21 year old self and I wanted to be a photographer. To appear in a TV ad. To date a celebrity. To lose all this extra weight. 

Snap back  to right now, 4 years later and 30 pounds less. My 25 year old self wants to be an awesome jiu jitsu fighter. I want to be a machine. 

Just so you know, I'm sitting in the office right now, I wear a barong everyday and I work for the family business. My occupation does not involve a basketball, a camera, or a Jiu Jitsu kimono. But it's all good. It doesn't stop me from pursuing my other "want to be's."

Life changes and we sometimes take a different route from the path we always thought we'd take. I realized that deep inside, I'm still the 6 year old who wants to guest star on a cartoon show. The 21 year old photographer, the 13 year old basketball star. 

Here's a thought. There are dreams that you have(be a comedian, a unicyclist, a writer), and there are dreams that people expect you to have(be a doctor, or a lawyer, or a businessman). The dreams people expect you to have give your life direction and keeps you in touch with real life. The dreams that you have? They're the dreams that make life colourful. 

I hope this made sense to you.



Late Night Pondering

Questions. I can't help but ponder on them when they pop into my ever so passionate curious mind. I've been up all day, but fatigue seems to fade away when your mind is eager to find answers. It's intriguing how that works. It's as if turning on a power switch to an energy reserve we never thought we had. So here I am, making use of it while it still lasts and hopefully satisfy my hunger for wisdom.

Am I attacking too many things at once or do I just need time to adjust to the pace? That's the question. It's as if I'm spreading myself too thin and at the same time wanting to take full advantage of the opportunities presented in front of me. I know that balance is key, but sometimes it's easier said than done when you're swayed by both sides constantly like a pendulum.

For every question there must be some sort of answer. It may change through time but in the end you make use of your level of awareness in the moment to seek out your own conclusion. So this is what I found. I believe that there's no harm in riding the good vibe wave. If it feels right in your core, go with it. But then again, your mind and body can only do so much. When it gets to the point where your enthusiasm is no longer at par with what you love to do, then maybe you're spreading yourself out too thin. That's when you need to find your center and create a sense of balance.

So my parting words are these. Set your own pace, but don't always settle for comfort because then you'll never know how much further you can go. Test your limits and see what works for you. Understand the language of enthusiasm. Life is a constant learning process. Try and you will learn. Hold back and you'll be left behind.

- Pat Jamlang

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