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Someday.

When I was 7... I had a family friend who was diagnosed with cancer at the young age of 8. His name was Mico, and at that time he was really one of my best guy friends. He was very thoughtful, and loving, and fun to play power rangers with.

One day we visited him in the hospital and found him in the ICU. I could see him through the glass window in his isolated quarter. He was unconscious or probably sleeping, and to me he looked so different. All I knew was he was sick with cancer, but had absolutely NO IDEA what that was. He was frail and looked so much older. I could even see the scar on the back of his neck due to his operation.

There was only one other man in the room with Mico, and he was wearing a white coat. I turned to my mum who was beside me and asked who that man was. She looked down at me, and this is what she said: "That's Mico's doctor. He's going to cure Mico."

From then on I wanted to be a doctor. I dreamed of wearing the white coat and planned to heal my friend.

As I got older different specializations were attached to my dream.

When I was in grade 6 I wanted to be a surgeon.

When I stepped into college after taking up BIOPSYCH, I wanted to be a neurosurgeon.

Now that I have graduated, it hasn't changed. I still want to be a neurosurgeon...and a damn good one if it's possible.

That dream of becoming a doctor was formulated 14 years ago. I am now turning 22, and entering med school this coming June. In fact, I just paid for my enrollment fee at exactly 5:03pm today (I took note of it because I felt like it was a historic moment in my life).

I never thought of any other profession as I was growing up, unless of course it was something unattainable like being a pop star or a mermaid with free flowing red hair. Whenever an adult would ask me what I wanted to be when I got older, I always responded with three words: A great doctor.

I graduated on October last year, and for 9 months I did nothing but bum around, eat, watch re-runs of my favorite TV shows and hang out with my friends. I couldn't wait for the time to come for me to actually step into my future of becoming Dr. Lorenzana M.D. So of course I did what anyone with burning passion for what they dreamed of becoming would do. I fixed all my necessary papers, applied to my preferred med schools, and prayed to God that I get in.

UST was my first choice. I was denied.

UE came in second place, and I was so sure that I would get in.

I was wait listed. Since May 4 (after my interview) I've been praying knowing in my heart that God would grant me my wish because it was me! The girl who wanted to become a doctor since she could ever remember. The girl who knew what her life's purpose was before she could even do algebra.

They put me on hold, and would ask me to call back to follow up. I did so profusely. Every single day for 31 days I would call. Every hour within the day I would call. And their answer was always "Wala pa pong list". I gave myself a deadline. Today, June 04, 2009, at 5p.m. sharp...if they still don't have a list, I'm going to enroll in my third chosen school.

So at 4:59 p.m. I called UERM up, asked the same question...and got the same answer. I then was accompanied by my mother to the basement of the school (that's where the cashier was found), and I handed in a check to seal the deal with my third chosen school. Right after the receipt was grasped by my hand, I cried.

I cried silent tears and my mother cried with me. She hugged me knowing the struggle I was in. I really wanted to get into UE, not just because it was a kick ass medical school, but because I also wanted a different environment. I've been sheltered my whole life, and I figured it would be a great adventure to see the world in the eyes of something new. That part excited me.

And as I was crying, my mother just hugged me and consoled me, and told me she understood. After a few more minutes she held my hand and told me that I had to move on. She told me that it was fine to let it out, but it's also time to let it go. I knew she was right. I had to get a hold of the fact that UE is not part of my future anymore, but this was. And truthfully, there's only so much you can do with what could be, and so much you can do with what is.

So why did I share this lengthy story with you? Because if there's one thing that I believe...it's that in life,

In the beginning though it all seems so murky, and unfair, and just pretty darn awful to not get things going your way. But eventually you'll see the reason why. You'll see God's purpose for leading you to another direction. It doesn't necessarily mean that he'll make you see it right away, but eventually he will. And you'll understand.

I don't know why I didn't get what I wanted. I honestly did everything that I could which induced me to stress out, cry buckets of tears, and snap at random people. It still confuses me, and I'm sure I'll continue being confused for awhile. But I am certain that one day, when I'm in the middle of studying at 4am in the morning for an exam at 8am the next day, or as I talk to a patient for a consultation when I have established my own clinic...He'll finally show me the answer to my question.

And I know that when that time comes, there's a possibility that I'll thank him for directing me to this path...instead of the one that leads to #64 Barangay Doña Imelda, Aurora Blvd., Quezon City.

Everything does happen for a reason. Never ever doubt that.

It's alright, I'm okay
I think God can explain.
I'm relieved, I'm relaxed
I'll get over it yeah.

- Trina Lorenzana

Labels: God, prayer, reasons, Trina Lorenzana