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The type that kills the cat. Curious. That somehow always enters my mind when someone asks me what kind of person I am. I've always been the type of girl who needed an explanation. I needed to know why it happened. Why did it turn out that way? Why wasn't it possible? Why not? Why now? Why not now? Every time something happens, a billion and one questions always enter my mind and my brain goes on overdrive! I can't seem to put a halt to my thoughts and more often than not, it gets me more confused than I already was. And of course that didn't help me out one bit. One time a friend of mine back in the day had a solution to my problem. He told me that I shouldn't think too much. He said, and I know I remember this correctly..."Thinking kills." And of course that got my brain working overtime again. Does it really? Does thinking too much actually kill somebody figuratively? I guess in some cases thinking does make you go a little crazy, especially if you're in a situation where answers don't come as much as you'd like them too. I guess what my friend was trying to say was that over thinking kills. That part I do believe completely. You think too much about something that it leads you to a whole bunch of new questions which then leads to another series of questions! It's amazing and also a little bit annoying how fast our brain can work. I admit that along with my curiosity comes my stubbornness. Sometimes I don't know when to stop asking, or when to stop thinking of things to the point that it gets me into a whole crap load of trouble. And then I think afterwards that I should've just stopped thinking in the beginning and just let things be. I know this entry is a little bit confusing (just like my thoughts), but I also wanted to say that despite how much of a curious person I am, I've learned a lot of lessons via my billion and one questions. I learned that being curious can be a good thing, because it tests your limits. You never really know how far you can go until you try. I've learned that my friend was semi right. Over thinking does kill. Sometimes it's better to not think too much about something because it'll just screw up with your brain and get you into an even messier tangle of thoughts. But the last 2 lessons I'm going to share with you which I learned because of my thinking are the 2 lessons that helped me become who I am today. First, was that I'd rather think too much and feel too much than not think nor feel at all. At least I know the extent of who I am and what I'm capable of (or not capable of) and that makes me feel more human and alive. Second and lastly would be that even if you're itching to know something so badly, sometimes there are certain situations where no explanations are needed. You don't need to know the reason behind everything, because sometimes things aren't meant to be understood. Sometimes, despite how difficult it would be to do so... some things are just better off accepted. -Trina Lorenzana Post Script: Speaking of questions! We know it's been awhile, but our Formspring is up and running again :) You can ask us anything and everything and we'll try to answer as much as we can. You can reach us through the little box on the left column of this page or via: http://formspring.me/becauseiam Been up all night staring at you wondering what's on your mind. I've been this way with so many before but it feels like the first time. Labels: Curiosity, Questions, Trina Lorenzana 7 Comments:ebook wrap yourself slim http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/it/2-Lectures-Only-The-Super-Rich-Can-Save-Us/p28653/ free ebook with resale right [url=http://audiobookscollection.co.uk/fr/Canvas-Pocket-Reference-Scripted-Graphics-for-HTML5-Pocket-Reference-O-Reilly/p210529/]ebook jan cox speas[/url] ebook devices including palm
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A letter of some sort. Tonight, as of 9:27pm I have finally finished a book from cover to cover after weeks of trying to get my hands on it. "Dear John," the letter read. And with those two words, a heart was broken and two lives changed forever.  I immediately wanted to write something after reading it, so here I am pouring my thoughts onto my 14" Compaq. How should I describe a book such as this one? I've never really written a book review with much consideration. Not until I was in high school of course when we needed to do it for class. I've always been a lover of books, and always in my vocabulary means ever since I was in high school. Maybe it was due to the poems we were required to read, or the short stories that we discussed in class...I can't quite pin point the exact reason or time, but ever since then I've been a “bookaholic” DEAR JOHN. I guess it's safe to say that it was different. I can’t seem to classify it as a typical love story, but at the same time it somewhat fits into that category. A not so typical love story meaning it only happens to a quarter of a margin of people living on this earth, but typical in a sense that it's possible to have happened in fiction, on paper, in hopes and in dreams. I'm not going to give away too much, especially because I'm sure a lot of you are planning to read this book because of the film about to be released. But I do want to say a few things. The book, was very Nicholas Sparks. He always had a mind that worked in a way that could conjure scenarios that make people (especially girls) go “I wish for a love exactly like that.” He was the first author that actually touched my heart, made it ache, make me want to cry and laugh at the same time and of course believe in love. He made my tear ducts dry up after reading “A walk to remember”, believe in old love with “Nights in Rodanthe”, trust time with it’s healing powers in “Message in a Bottle”, and of course simply believe in good old L.O.V.E. with his ever romantic “The Notebook”. Hell he was even the first man who made my dad cry by the pool side while reading the last book I mentioned.  Did I like it? For the most part, I did. It touched me in just the right places and was able to re-surface just the right emotions. It didn’t strike me too much as maudlin or over rated. It was lukewarm, and wonderful. I’ve somewhat have been a believer of love at first sight and having read about the love story of John and Savannah has made it easier to do so. In real life, I hardly hear stories which start with “When we locked eyes, I knew instantly…” or “Yes, it was truly love at first sight.” So having read this book gives me a little bit of hope that it might be possible to have something like it or at least something to that effect. After reading this book, it made me realize a couple of reasons why I love to read. I do feel bad (I’m not sure if it’s the right word) for people who think of reading as a task rather than as leisure. I guess it’s all a matter of perspective. But as a lover of books it amazes me how a story, an author or even just one line from a chapter of a book can transport you to different places. I love how different words can be strung together and evoke such strong emotions you never thought you’d have. By reading, I feel more human in a way where I realize to what extent something can affect me. I like testing myself at times, and discoveries are always good. So whenever something from a book strikes me, whether it may be a line, a paragraph, in the blurb or even in the dedication, I always pause and think about why it struck me. By doing this, I get to know myself more and realize where I stand in life. It’s also nice to know that even if in reality some things are not achievable, it’s possible to just live vicariously through characters that have been made up by such talented authors. For at least a day or two, or a week even…you get lost in a world where anything is possible. You get to go on adventures, or suddenly have magical powers. You get to fall in love and dream and be different. It’s such a great catharsis, and of course an awesome way to exercise your mind and widen your vocabulary. I’ve always known that I’ve read a good book when I can’t seem to part ways with it. It’s as if the end of the book signifies the end of my relationship with the characters. It’s the way I felt when Harry said goodbye to Clare in “The Time Travelers Wife” (Audrey Niffiniger), my heart broke the same time Erik’s did when Stargirl Callaway moved to another city in “Star Girl” and the way I wanted to be different and lovable during the final pages of “Love, Stargirl” (both by Jerry Spinelli). It’s the way I knew the words “For you a thousand times over” would affect me differently after reading “The Kite Runner” by Khaled Hosseini. How I was for certain that Noah and Allie would be together wherever they were, and yes even how Harry, Ron and Hermionie would be able to save the magical world. With a good book, Shakespear was right in saying “parting is such sweet sorrow.” It’s so hard to let go because the characters seem to have been part of your life, and when their heart breaks… yours does too. When they receive good news, its as if you want to jump for joy and celebrate with them. I’m very glad that I had 2 days off my busy schedule to be able to read. And I’m happy as well that the book I chose didn’t disappoint me. I’m pretty excited for the movie, although I’m sure that there will be some slight differences. I’m just hoping that it doesn’t disappoint. It’s weird how the book is almost always so much better than the movie (except for P.S. I love you wherein both the book and movie were amazing). Anyway, Channing Tatum is there…at least there’s some eye candy :) I hope children now a days get the hang of reading. I hope that one day they get to feel the way I feel whenever I’m immersed in a good book. I absolutely can’t wait to find another book, which will make it impossible for me to put down because of its awesomeness. I am waiting for the day when a line or a paragraph or the whole book will make my heart ache because I know that the ending is near. I can’t wait to find a good read that would distress me and make me feel all sorts of wonderful and beautiful. Till then, I shall live in the memory of John and Savannah, and shall bask in their love for each other and for the full moon.  Shut the door to the moon And let the birds gather Play no more with the fool And let the souls wander And bleed From the soul Labels: a good read, books, Life, love, Trina Lorenzana
TWENTY-TEN The beginning of this entry was written on December 31, 2009 (Up until the ~*~*~*~). I just wasn't able to post it. Here we are again, standing on the brink of an almost end and a new beginning. Another year has come and gone, and I feel as if it's time for me to take a look back on the 12 months that have gone by. As unbelievable as it seems, time has passed by so quickly. Back in June, I was about to embark on a new journey which excited and scared me at the same time. It's as if I just closed my eyes for a few seconds and when I opened them again...December was waiting with its arms wide open, ready to engulf me with all its Christmas spirit. I think to myself, Has it already been 6 months? I guess the calendars, Christmas gifts, and even the weather have given me enough evidence to believe so. ~*~*~*~*~ It is now January 10, 2010 (I like pronouncing this year as TWENTY-TEN, because I think it sounds better this way). The plentiful fireworks have been lit and thought of to be spectacular, the alcohol content in our body has shot up to an extra 40%(at least) and back down again, children (and even some adults) have jumped to their limits believing that they can grow another inch or so, and of course more than a handful of people have made their new year's resolution. I've always wondered why people wait till the start of a new year to make a positive change, but I too am guilty of practicing such an old habit of the human race so who am I to judge? I'm not going to share my resolutions, because I'd like to spare you of the long list. But in this entry I'd like to share rather what I've learned. Every year, every day, even every minute gives us something to remember by. They give us moments to relive and memories that teach us a few things worth learning. Two thousand and nine has taught me a couple of lessons which I believe will make my twenty ten and even better year. 1. It has reminded me that some lessons whatever they may be, will be repeated until learned. It may appear through different situations, but if the main problem is still there, it will be on going until you realize what you've done wrong and then do something to make the wrong a right. 2. It taught my heart to be patient. It showed me what I'm worth. So, to all the girls out there who feel lonely at times... please remember to put a price tag on yourself. Never forget your worth, and believe that someday someone out there is going to come into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else :) 3. It helped me understand even better that sometimes, you have to live a life that's less for yourself, and more for others. I have been so blessed in more ways than one this year. Sometimes I don't feel that I am because these things that I have and receive aren't really what I ask for. I tend to forget that sometimes the normalcy of life like seeing your family everyday, having the same old friends, and plain old L.O.V.E. are the things that are most special. 4. I have become aware of the fact that you really really have to work hard to get to the place you want to be in. It's healthy to set goals, it could be easier if you have a plan, but it's true what Pat said during his previous entry... you have to actually be able to execute the plan and make a bee line for your goals. There's no way you'll get there without doing something about it, and you won't really be able to do something about it without passion. Which makes me come to my 5th learning. 5. Somethings in life just really go hand in hand. I'm not sure if I can explain this lesson clearly, but don't you just see how sometimes some things in life don't really work well without the other? Besides what I mentioned above, there are things like hard work goes will with appreciation and inspiration. You get inspired to do something, and therefore you do the best you can. You are able to produce your desired outcome, and if it's for the better a lot of people will appreciate what you've done. Sometimes I think life can be as simple as mathematics (the addition part at least). 6. I recognize that things get better. No matter how scarred you are over something, or how low you've sunk...there will come a day that things will get better. This quote will explain it better I think: "All of us have had the experience of a sudden joy that came when nothing in the world had forewarned us of its coming - a joy so thrilling that if it was born of misery we remembered even the misery with tenderness." -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry Someone once mentioned the following 3 numbers which I can never forget. 7. A little of something is better than a whole lot of nothing. -I think this is self explanatory. 8. "There" is no better than "here". When your "there" becomes a "here" you will simply obtain another "there" that again looks better than "here." - I now know that I have to be in the NOW. It's fine to make plans for the future, but never forget the present because there are so much things you can do in the right now. There are also things in life we wish we had or people we'd wish we could be. But there will always be something that we want more. This year taught me to be content with what I have. 9. Your life is up to you. Life provides the canvas; you do the painting. Take charge of your life -- or someone else will. - Just like one of my favorite poets William Ernest Henley said. 'I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul" You make your destiny, so make sure you make everything count. 10. And this I believe I learn every year and is something I will never get tired of learning. There's no better way to explain it than through a line from a song by Nada Surf: "ALWAYS LOVE. HATE WILL GET YOU EVERY TIME" I'm pretty excited to see what's in store for me this year. I am hoping that if a change comes, it's a change for the better. If I fall down, I get back up again. I'm waiting for the extraordinary to happen. I declare that this year, I will do something that I will never ever forget in my life. Sometimes we forget how short life is. Let's make the most of it. This year, and the following years to come.:) With that... Hello twenty-ten! Welcome to my life. -Trina Lorenzana I usually end my entries with lyrics, but this time I'd like to end it with a video compilation of the top 25 songs in 2009. There's no better way to bid last year farewell than with an amazing mash-up of songs :) Labels: 2010, new year, Trina Lorenzana
You may say I'm a dreamer. Do you remember the time when you were 5 years old (or younger), and you had a dream? It was the very first dream you could actually formulate in your newborn mind and for you it was the best darn dream you could ever have. It was the purest of the pure, the absolute best. And if you think about it right now you'll probably realize that it was the most far fetched, craziest, most outrageous dream you've ever desired, yet in that moment, you believed with all your heart that you could actually really have that dream or be that dream. You could already taste it in your mouth and grab it by the hands as if it were right beside you. All you could think about was "Yup! One day, that's exactly what I'm gonna be." For those who have read my previous entry: Someday ,you'll know that I am on my way to pursuing my latest dream: To become a great neurosurgeon. But I would digress if I talk about that. I'd like to tell you about the first few crazy ones I had. When I was 5... I wanted to be a pop star. I wanted to have a gazillion fans, a double, triple and all the "ipples" imaginable million peso selling album. I idolized Manilyn Reynes (I know what you're thinking! She was pretty big back then.) in all her...let's just say, singing sensation. But the real reason for wanting to be a pop star was because I loved to sing. I started singing songs by Jose Mari Chan during my 4th birthday. I sang "Please be careful with my heart" to my mum, and she cried like a baby. Ever since then the mic was an extension of my hand. As I got older I upgraded my pop star status to Broadway diva extraordinaire thanks to a fantastic character named Eponine from the high acclaimed musical "Les Miserables" and Kim and Ellen's "I Still Believe" from "Miss Saigon". Until now musicals are my true love. Still that wasn't my very first dream. This was my first... When I was 2... I wanted to be a mermaid. Go on...laugh it off. Done? Come on! If you were born in the year of 1987, have watched "The Little Mermaid", and is actually a girl...you have got to admit that Ariel was way cool with her flaming red hair, green flippery tail, and her voice of an angel. PLUS, she was a princess! When did you not want to ever be a princess and a mermaid at the same time?! For the love of this mermaid, my cousins and I would pull our legs into the pillow case so we would have flippers as well, and we would pretend to be Ariel in that "rock scene" as the electric fan blew air through our hair. We loved taking baths just so we could use the bathtub and splash around while singing "Part of your World". Another bonus about being Ariel was having Flounder as a pet. From then on I've always had fish for a pet, until I got older and couldn't stand the smell of them when they died. My point is, we all have our crazy, fantastic, stellar dreams. Sometimes our very first dream is still what we want the most, but as we grow older, we realize that those dreams are actually really crazy and sometimes unachievable. I realized that I couldn't actually just sprout a tail and gills all in one night. It dawned on me that there were millions of other girls just like me who wanted to be in a band and be a famous pop star. I've accepted the fact that being a Broadway star would possibly take years to achieve. Yet these dreams remain in us and appear in small doses. I've entered the real world and have decided to stick to my dream of becoming the worlds best neurosurgeon. Service and Passion for others. Although this is so, I still love to belt out a tune or two whenever there are parties, get togethers, and mini-concerts. I still pretend to win a Grammy when I'm in the shower (The shampoo bottle would be my Grammy). Most of the time I still catch myself daydreaming of singing on a stage to a crowd that draws close to a billion. I still absolutely adore the beach, and the bathtub, the rain and... basically water. Whenever I want to get away from the world, I still silently wish that I were a mermaid swimming into the depths of the deep blue. It's good to escape the real world once in awhile especially when there's too much going on in your life. Remembering your first few dreams and ambitions gives you not just something to laugh about but something that will allow you to see how far you've come in life. Ask yourself: What was the first dream I've ever conjured in my head? Then ask yourself where you are right now. More often than not, you find little joys in small things like these. And when you're really truly lost...sometimes you find yourself again all because of that crazy dream you had when you were 5. Pursue your passion. Love what you do. Keep dreaming :) -Trina Lorenzana Labels: Dreaming, passions, Trina Lorenzana, You
The one about being thankful. I believe that I have to put a disclaimer in this entry before I begin. I am 22 years old, a first year medical student, and is 100% (plus or minus 10%) Filipino. With that said, here we go. Yesterday (November 26, 2009), a holiday which I consider to be very important was celebrated by the other half of the world. It isn't a holiday which we Filipinos celebrate, because it just isn't part of our history. Although this is so, on some level, it is as important to me as it is to the Americans. Yes, I'm talking about the holiday that's celebrated during the last Thursday of November... Thanksgiving. It all started when I was 7 years old, an airplane virgin who was about to embark on her first family trip which entailed more than 4 hours of flying time. I remember how much I dreamt about that day because my boring life was sure to be filled with fun activities that a normal 7 year old would love. There was Disneyworld and Universal Studios in Orlando, the FAO Schwartz in New York, Golden gate in San Francisco, random fun hotels in Las Vagas (sadly, no slot machine yet)... etc. etc. I'm sure you get the picture. But out of all these activities, one of the most memorable ones happened in a place called Philadelphia. Believe me when I say that I expected Philly to be the most boring stopover in our agenda. All we were going to do there was visit my Lola's sister (Tita Doya) and her American Husband (Uncle Charlie) whom I both adore deeply. We were going to stay there for a good week, and they had already arranged my 7 day stay. It included the words Apple picking, pumpkin carving, and national parks. Sounds interesting right? Not really if you put yourself in my situation (7 years old and all). You would absolutely dread the very thought of this part of the vacation because you could actually die of boredom. Just imagine, no roller coasters to ride, no caramel covered apple candies, no autograph signing from Mickey and the gang! Just plain old picking fruits and vegetables. So the first day in Philly came and went. So did the second, and so did the third. On the fourth day (the apple picking and pumpkin carving day), by late afternoon I was already tired from choosing apples and placing them in barrels, and carving sad faces on pumpkins. I swore to myself that I would never eat another piece of apple, or pumpkin till the day I died. I was dead set on crawling into bed and sleeping till it was time to leave for the next state. But as I was formulating my "escape" plan in my head, Tita Doya told me that she had prepared something special for me during dinner. All I kept thinking was, please don't let it it be apple strudel or pumpkin pie. I mean, what else would she have done with all those fruits and vegetables? We were finally called from our room for dinner, and I was dragging my feet half expecting to see at least 3 kinds of apple dishes and 4 kinds of pumpkin pies. But as I entered their dining room, I was absolutely overwhelmed with what I saw. Their dining table was filled with all sorts of Thanksgiving-y food! There were candied yams which were golden brown and slightly burnt. It was topped off with marshmallows that turned gooey and slid down the sides of the serving dish (just the way I like it). There were mashed potatoes with a hint of garlic and loads of butter which was served in a big bow. Right beside it was the stuffing made out of bread soaked in the turkey base, dried fruit, seasonings, and bread crumbs. Bread pudding made from scratch was already served on our plates individually. Soft rolls fresh out of the oven were placed in a weaved basket. Of course there was cranberry sauce which smelled heavenly, gravy and rice pilaf. And right smack in the center of it all... there was laying in all it's glory...a turkey that looked as if it weighed 10 pounds, oven baked to perfection. It was beautiful. And so my family explained how they wanted me to experience a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. They even told me about the Pilgrims and the Indinas, and yes...the famous rock, and how both exchanged a little bit about their culture. Now I don't really remember the events which lead to this holiday. I don't even know if both parties had ended well. But I was sure, that from that day on...my family would be celebrating this holiday annually. It was a nice feeling, seeing everyone laugh over good food and great company. We were all there exchanging stories, and memories. Each of us even gave a small speech about what we were thankful for. On that day, I was thankful for family and for my parents who were bent on taking me to Philadelphia. It ended up to be one of the best states in my own version of America's map. I know you're thinking that it's not common to find a child experiencing a strong connection with her family at such a young age. But there I was, thinking about an escape plan 2 hours ago without knowing that the Thanksgiving dinner we were having would make me who I am today: A person who despite all the chaos in the world, does not forget to be thankful for what she has. I think it's wonderful to have a holiday which will remind us to be grateful every now and then. It's so difficult now a days to find a single thing to be thankful for. With the busy lives that we lead (may it be with work or school or MEDSCHOOL!) and the problems we encounter, we find that it is so much easier to point out the mistakes and difficulties that we are faced with, rather than to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes we forget that there is beauty in the breakdown, that life has so much to offer, that we are loved, that we deserve to be loved, and that you're doing okay, because despite all the crappy things thrown at you...you are alive and is capable of doing good. My name is Trina, I am 22 years old, a medical student and 100% (plus or minus 10%) Filipino. I am thankful for: 1. My family 2. My friends 3. being able to follow my passion 4. For music 5. For life. So, what're you thankful for? P.S. Our desserts during dinner were pumpkin pie and apple strudel. No kidding. :) -Trina Lorenzana There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be a uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waiting on the other side It's the climb Labels: Holidays, Thankful, Tradition, Trina Lorenzana 1 Comments:
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By Posted at: 6:47 AM
A fight worth fighting for. A wise woman named Peyton Sawyer once said: "Isn't it so much better to be fighting for something, rather than fighting over something?" It was a normal day; a kind of day where I didn't feel like listening to music too much. Truly, those are very rare occasions because everyone who knows me understands how much a part of my life music really is. Instead of blasting my ears with the normal tunes I would listen to, I figured I would fill my brain with the musings of Ms. P. Sawyer. There I was on my way home listening to the wise words that she could possibly impart, and this one really struck me...hard. I have around 14 or so podcasts made by her, but this one is def. one of my favorites. Don't you think it's true though? Sometimes, I think that us humans can be so preoccupied with "life" as we know it, that we zone into stupidity without even realizing it. We tend to over analyze words, over think a measly situation, and most especially fight over the most inutile occurrences. Sometimes we get so wrapped up with our emotions, that there's nothing left to do but burst into pieces and then in the end, realize how utterly humiliating and wrong we were due to the decisions we made and words we said. Awhile ago Marice (a friend of mine) and I were talking like we always did in her condo, and one of today's topics was our college days gone by. In a week it will all be over. College as we know it. I told her that there will be so many things I would miss about that chapter in my life, and it scared me a little because I could actually see the future of our friendships. Some disintegrating, others stronger, most...would be stagnant. Anyway, an...errr...old friend of ours came to mind, and I told her that I might possibly miss this old friend. I had to laugh right after though, because V (Marice)...being the person she is immediately pointed out that she would not. It is true though, come to think about it...having that person in my life was just stressful, and sad. That relationship just really brought out the worst in me, even if I believe that most of the time...I was correct. I was a beast...a monster that just wanted to devour that person whole because of my resentment and anger. I then realized how much time and energy I wasted during those terms just being angry and a total bitch. It was not worth it. I accept that it hurt me because we were close...hahaha or so I thought. But the truth is sometimes life screws you over like that and we just have to accept it. We eventually fixed things...and now we're civil and it works best like this. I totally digress, but my point is, I look back on it, and realize how much time we wasted fighting over something. I was stubborn, and mean, but during that time I thought that it was something that I had to do to be able to make that person see the huge chaos that was made just by the random personalities that were elicited. Think about it people, life may screw us over and over again, lemons may be thrown towards us from left and right, huge boulders will be placed on our shoulders every now and then...and we sometimes are too busy to even see this that in the end we blame other people and pick fights. Next time, maybe we should just unscrew the mistake, make lemonade or drink tequila, (if you're weight conscious or allergic, then a lemon cooler perhaps) and turn the boulders into rubble by analyzing the situation, trying to see the right path to take...and realizing that these fights are infantile. It's difficult just thinking about it, but let's go and try to fight for something...rather than over something. Now THAT would be a wonderful change. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ I wrote this a little over less than a year. August 22, 2008 to be exact. And I just realized that there are some old writings of mine that I'd like to share with you readers. This is one of the many, and an important one I think. So check back every now and then, because it's good that we all learn a little something :) Post Script: Wanna fight for something? Look for a good cause, there's plenty out there that I'm sure you guys can participate in. Find one that suits you. Give that a try today! -Trina Lorenzana It's been minutes, it's been days, Labels: fights, lessons, Trina Lorenzana
Someday. When I was 7... I had a family friend who was diagnosed with cancer at the young age of 8. His name was Mico, and at that time he was really one of my best guy friends. He was very thoughtful, and loving, and fun to play power rangers with. One day we visited him in the hospital and found him in the ICU. I could see him through the glass window in his isolated quarter. He was unconscious or probably sleeping, and to me he looked so different. All I knew was he was sick with cancer, but had absolutely NO IDEA what that was. He was frail and looked so much older. I could even see the scar on the back of his neck due to his operation. There was only one other man in the room with Mico, and he was wearing a white coat. I turned to my mum who was beside me and asked who that man was. She looked down at me, and this is what she said: "That's Mico's doctor. He's going to cure Mico." From then on I wanted to be a doctor. I dreamed of wearing the white coat and planned to heal my friend. As I got older different specializations were attached to my dream. When I was in grade 6 I wanted to be a surgeon. When I stepped into college after taking up BIOPSYCH, I wanted to be a neurosurgeon. Now that I have graduated, it hasn't changed. I still want to be a neurosurgeon...and a damn good one if it's possible. That dream of becoming a doctor was formulated 14 years ago. I am now turning 22, and entering med school this coming June. In fact, I just paid for my enrollment fee at exactly 5:03pm today (I took note of it because I felt like it was a historic moment in my life). I never thought of any other profession as I was growing up, unless of course it was something unattainable like being a pop star or a mermaid with free flowing red hair. Whenever an adult would ask me what I wanted to be when I got older, I always responded with three words: A great doctor. I graduated on October last year, and for 9 months I did nothing but bum around, eat, watch re-runs of my favorite TV shows and hang out with my friends. I couldn't wait for the time to come for me to actually step into my future of becoming Dr. Lorenzana M.D. So of course I did what anyone with burning passion for what they dreamed of becoming would do. I fixed all my necessary papers, applied to my preferred med schools, and prayed to God that I get in. UST was my first choice. I was denied. UE came in second place, and I was so sure that I would get in. I was wait listed. Since May 4 (after my interview) I've been praying knowing in my heart that God would grant me my wish because it was me! The girl who wanted to become a doctor since she could ever remember. The girl who knew what her life's purpose was before she could even do algebra. They put me on hold, and would ask me to call back to follow up. I did so profusely. Every single day for 31 days I would call. Every hour within the day I would call. And their answer was always "Wala pa pong list". I gave myself a deadline. Today, June 04, 2009, at 5p.m. sharp...if they still don't have a list, I'm going to enroll in my third chosen school. So at 4:59 p.m. I called UERM up, asked the same question...and got the same answer. I then was accompanied by my mother to the basement of the school (that's where the cashier was found), and I handed in a check to seal the deal with my third chosen school. Right after the receipt was grasped by my hand, I cried. I cried silent tears and my mother cried with me. She hugged me knowing the struggle I was in. I really wanted to get into UE, not just because it was a kick ass medical school, but because I also wanted a different environment. I've been sheltered my whole life, and I figured it would be a great adventure to see the world in the eyes of something new. That part excited me. And as I was crying, my mother just hugged me and consoled me, and told me she understood. After a few more minutes she held my hand and told me that I had to move on. She told me that it was fine to let it out, but it's also time to let it go. I knew she was right. I had to get a hold of the fact that UE is not part of my future anymore, but this was. And truthfully, there's only so much you can do with what could be, and so much you can do with what is. So why did I share this lengthy story with you? Because if there's one thing that I believe...it's that in life,  I don't know why I didn't get what I wanted. I honestly did everything that I could which induced me to stress out, cry buckets of tears, and snap at random people. It still confuses me, and I'm sure I'll continue being confused for awhile. But I am certain that one day, when I'm in the middle of studying at 4am in the morning for an exam at 8am the next day, or as I talk to a patient for a consultation when I have established my own clinic...He'll finally show me the answer to my question. And I know that when that time comes, there's a possibility that I'll thank him for directing me to this path...instead of the one that leads to #64 Barangay Doña Imelda, Aurora Blvd., Quezon City. Everything does happen for a reason. Never ever doubt that. It's alright, I'm okay I think God can explain. I'm relieved, I'm relaxed I'll get over it yeah. - Trina Lorenzana Labels: God, prayer, reasons, Trina Lorenzana 2 Comments:this was beautiful. thank you for sharing :)
By Thanks Ms./Mr. Anonymous! :) Leave your name next time so we can thank you personally.
By Posted at: 6:43 AM
Do you want to get lost with us too? There's this "thing" that I do whenever I feel like I'm lost. May it be that I'm at a loss for the right words to say, or something deeper like losing my own sense of self. I do this often, not because I need to, but because let's just say --it's partly fun. My solution to finding myself again? It's very simple. I get lost even further. I bet you're a bit confused so let me explain. What I meant by getting lost is that I get lost in the music. Whenever life throws me lemons, I don't make lemonade...heck I don't even make tequila! When life throws me lemons, I grab my i-pod, turn up the volume to 13, and get lost in the damn music. I love how the melody rushes through my system, how the lyrics calm me down, or build me up, how the beat resonates in my body, and how for just five minutes, the world isn't the world... but is actually the world as I know it. I adore how one song means the universe to my being, yet at the same time it means absolutely nothing to the person right next to me. It's amazing how it speaks to you in ways that only God and yourself can understand, and how everything just gets better after hearing a particular line or phrase in a song. I believe that life is different for everybody. Pat recently mentioned that for him, life is like art. Others say life is falling madly in love. The rest say that life is a box of chocolates. My take on it is that life is definitely just like the music. Everyone dances to a different tune, though sometimes two people find that they enjoy the same type of music. Some like it fast, some like it mellow, most are way too busy listening to the beat to the point that they miss the important message. Others, well others just like it the way it is. We all have our different mechanisms for coping with life. For me, the best way is to listen to a song, turn up the volume, maybe dance your ass off a little bit...then get lost in it. And when you feel like you're ready, as the music comes to an end...you go and find yourself again. Now, after reading what we've just written, we want to know your take on it. Do you get lost in the music too? Do you dance to a different beat? Do you hear the same tune as we do? How is life as you know it? Welcome to Because I Am. A blog which consists of people with different views on life and plenty to offer. We're doing this for the people out there who just is...for people who want to get their voice heard, people who want the good to win over evil, and for people who just believe that there's something out there worth talking about. Tell us what you think, because we pretty much believe that you are too. Whenever I end my posts, I usually put a few lines from a song at the bottom right of the page, but for now let me end it with this...a song I more often than not choose to get lost into: Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day And head back to the Milky Way And tell me, did Venus blow your mind Was it everything you wanted to find And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there -"Drops of Jupiter" by Train So, do you want to get lost with us too? - Trina Lorenzana Labels: Life, Music, Trina Lorenzana |
